Musandam

Dubai is sometimes condemned for being too mechanical, too artificial and many such things. However, it has a strange magnetism about it, and one reason for this could be the vicinity to immensely contrastive destinations which offers a ‘quick getaway’ to residents. The drive from Dubai to most destinations is characterised by the steady downward slope of real estate starting from Burj Dubai onto shorter and shorter towers to sand dunes leading into a smooth drive through rugged surroundings, until you reach the Omani border. The incessant urge of UAE residents to seek pleasure in escaping the banal effects of their mechanical life is evident in the hustling at the sleepy border. A nominal visa fee gets you permission to experience one of the best guarded secrets of the Arab world – Musandam.

Within a few seconds of driving on what seems to be a relatively new road from the Omani border town of Tibba to Khasab, our destination, you instantly know that the place has already exceeded your expectations of a weekend getaway. For most of its length, the road hugs the base of cliffs, and occasionally rises up and over them, passing through quiet settlements and within sight of the randoml fort. You drive on like an idle dreamer oblivious to the realities of the world.

It is a crowded day at the camp-site, Omanis say. You only nod and try to get accustomed to the ‘crowd’, and it seems using that word for what you see does not do justice to the place, after thinking about where you come from. You see no one, around! And that is crowded, they say? What is unbelievable is how absolutely relaxing it feels to be in a place like this. Here, the white Kanduras men wear reflects not only light but also radiates warmth, contrary to the true nature of the colour they don. Meandering through the roads – Blue seas on the left and craggy mountains on the right we reach the Dhow boat - A cranky old piece of wood having done millions of miles through these waters with the resilient Omani colors – Red, White and Green fluttering with the breeze atop its hood. As the boat slowly begins wandering into the sea, I take a moment to observe how fresh the mountains look. Like a child, I begin to associate the mountains to the wrinkles on the faces of the Oldies I know, and not surprisingly, the mountains look like some of the really grumpy but protective ones from school! It’s hard to resist jumping into the water, there is no fear of what lies beneath in these waters; this place means no harm. Jumping into the water, like in most places frequented by inconsiderate travellers, we see cola cans, bottles and other such waste on the seabed, readily accepted by nature; the cans have lost their sheen, and are one with the seabed – but it just makes me sad. Man is so Thankless for all that nature has provided. As we head back to shore, we see dolphins beating boats in races and getting us to cheer them on like kids.

I head back to Dubai thinking about every minute of my day, and how I leave a part of myself behind…and in the immortal words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, all I can say to Musandam is…”I’ll be back”.

  

 

The Flight

Now thats a reasonable stab!

High Profile Rape cases, Racism down under, T20 losses….wonderful events that shape history have forced me to write another meaningless post. I say meaningless, because you don’t really care for me, I am just another blogger.

High Profile Rape cases, Racism down under, T20 losses….wonderful events that shape history have forced me to write another meaningless article.

The news has been particularly entertaining the last coupla weeks – if you have not heard, Shiney Ahuja, the bollywood actor, has raped his housekeeper. On conducting a thorough investigation, private detective Byomkesh Bakshi found that Shiney distorted the story. A coupla questions crop up. For starters, why would someone with a name like Shiney think his alleged relationship with Shakuntala Devi be kept discreet? The only reason people actually know him is because of his unusual name. What seems to be lack of creativity on his parents’ part turned out to help him gain popularity (NOT?!). Had it not been for his parents’ far sightedness, people would actually be saying “Hey, whose that guy from the movie Ganster…what’s his name? ....Yea, he corked his housekeeper”. Thanks to his Parents, people know his name! Secondly, how did he mutually rape the victim? Was it like “First you, then me?” Thirdly, why did he cover his face when being produced in court? Was he afraid that people might recognize him? Anyway, the official spokesperson on this issue, as always, is Mahesh Bhatt. I assure you; he will not withhold his opinion, and will not withhold his hands from scratching himself while he shares it.

Over to the T20 loss – I do not understand what the hoopla is all about and why Bejan Daruwala has to butt-in and blame a planet for India’s loss in a sport. All this, while good ‘ol Saturn was busy minding his own business spinnin away! Its that time of the year again, where our esteemed countrymen will get together at the neighborhood panwala to share their 2 cents about the deteriorating performance of Team India. Thank God, we have a South African to blame.

Now, comes the juiciest part. The ass-kickin of our much cherished Sunny Malhotras and Vicky Singhals Down-Under. Over the years, I have become a racism connoisseur, and the reasons are right in front of our eyes. The attacks are not racist in nature. It is Heeng. Yes, that right, primarily, they are culinary attacks. Now I am not saying that Aussies are not racist, they are. However, every Indian who has gone to Australia for a 6 month course is some university has contemplated ‘settling’ there – at any cost; and for some reason, thinks he/she is Australian. Before the person crosses the Immigration Check, a new word has been added to their vocab - MATE....Hey Mate, this is Baldev Mate, I was looking for the grocery store as I am new in town..Mate....blah blah..

Indians live in bunkbeds, drive a cab, work at the local grocery store and basically do anything so their families back home can brag and say “Sadda Sunny te Aushtralia ich settle ho gaya hai…..hun koi vadiya jeyi kudi vekh ke byaah kar dene aan; fees di recovery te ho” (Our Sunny is settled in Australia, lets find him a girl and get him married so we can recover the college fees with the dowry money). It is not rocket science, if a university campus smells like a nuclear warhead (with spices instead of uranium) blew up, and out pop a group of foreigners who smelt like the source, you’d be pissed too, no matter which part of the world you live in. Some Indians think violating Visa laws and refusing to exit the country is ‘citizenship’. They have done nothing to adapt to the Aussie way of life apart from religiously repeating the word 'Mate" after every 6 words,getting a crew cut and growing a one-hair-thick(or thin?) French beard and wearing loose clothes. We do not know how to stand for ourselves. If someone beats the crap out of us, our way of 'stickin it to the man' is marching with a candle with a poster. We are only good at dissing each other, and Pakis of course. I have the solution. Please do not be obnoxious, please respect and learn Australian etiquette, if you wish to live there and not get your ass beat.

Now, if you think that I am bit too opinionated, let me correct you. Its not like I am biased, I hate everyone equally.

Stab

Sariska - The Road Trip

This is a old video, back by popular demand.. Enjoy!

Homesick

Home is no longer home - it’s a place I once lived.

Regrettably, it will never be the same again. It will never just be home again. It sure will be my original home. I sometimes feel scared that that the significance of that home will only be on my passport as my “permanent address”. My image of it has been tarnished because, now I’ve got used to not living here, it's no longer weird to be in my flat by myself but weird to be in my parents’ house back ‘home’. I guess I've been away too long.

Conflictingly, I know, that if I ever go back to live there again, I am gonna hate it. My sense of independence will be lost; no longer will I be the only person I really need to consider. I won’t be able to come and go as I please and that will annoy the hell out of me; de facto, I fear that this has already happened because if there's one thing I love about living alone, is the independence.

This does not mean that I do not feel homesick, although I AM perfect, I still have days where I feel run down and lonely and just wanna be with my Parents and all my friends.

I am tired to scheming and planning pranks sitting so far away, I hope I get a chance to unleash hell on some poor soul soon– in person, for a change.

Getting a date in the land of dates:

Living in Dubai can be tough if you are single and away from family. Being single is not a curse. If you plan to change it, here is what you need to become a chic magnet. Before you begin your journey, please understand that this exercise proves more difficult if you have too much faith in ‘the system’ and aim at honeys way outside your league. With that out of the way, here goes:

You will need the following:
1) A kid who does not call you “Dad”. It is important not to overdo the ‘caring, gentle, fatherly’ bit. You simply need to demonstrate that you can take care of a kid. Make sure you smile at the kid only when you know that hot chica is watching
2) A newspaper that is not neatly folded. It shows that you are aware of what is happening around you
3) Sunglasses: no aviators please, unless you are a pilot (and you would really have to be obtuse if you are a pilot and single). Do not wear them indoors
4) Worn-out leather stuff: messenger bag and shoes. Shows that you are well traveled
5) A macbook air: shows you have creativity (and money)
6) A Touch-screen phone, when used sparingly, indicates that you know how to swipe your fingers
7) A book: remember – Playboy is not a book, and no one reads the articles. It has to be a fat book too, you gotta show that you are the intellectual kind
8) Clothing: Shirts should be crinkled, and not tucked.
9) Accessories: No Gold watch please

The best place to try this, at a coffee shop or sth. I have tried it many times, and it works. Okay, it did not work for me. Although, if you try it, it might, and at the end of the day, what do you have to loose? Except AED 10000?

P.S.: I do not have a macbook air. I do not have a touch-screen phone. I do not have a leather bag. I wear shorts and flip-flops when I go out. And, I do not drink coffee.

Doob Town Invasion

Picture is worth a thousand words, and a video is worth a thousand pictures.

How many high school teachers do this?

I found this video online and was so amused to see him bust a move with students..Mr.Pathak does not cease to amaze me, he truly is an entertainer, even if it means making a complete fool out of himself, which he does several times a day; I gotta admit, he is cool...You dont find teachers who dance like crazy at school jammin sessions! ~

Happy Life - 4 Life! Hard hitting reporting from the Khaleej Times!

Click image to zoom

Ok, so I was reading the newspaper this morning, where I came across this informative news item. Apart from befooling the viewer by exchanging the "Before" and "After" images, there are a coupla really interesting observations. This ad has gone out of the way to promote Indo-European friendship. The company "Happy and Ruby Group" have sacrificed their ad space in the greater interest of world friendship, but mentioning "European Technology" against the background of the Indian Tricolor. Their truly selfless act does not stop here. They have promoted Indo-European friendship in the Gulf. Although I am not sure of the significance of Indo-European friendship to the Middle-East, I am sure the creator of this ad is quite intellectual and must know what he was doing. So, everyone wins, except ET who is already half bald, and is not interested in inter-galactic politics...not even jadoo (from the Indian adaptation of ET) gives a S*** about world politics - at least in my opinion.

Some questions are sill unanswered- How is it possible to show a demo of hair growing on a bald man's head? Or is it now possible because a lotta people have lost thier jobs to crashing economies, and now have time to watch hair grow....?

Well, ss long as I have a job and am happy, and everyone has a "Happy Life" too, I'm cool!

A Billion others might dignify your words with a response....spare me the goodbye.

Yes, I am an Indian. I come from a land that is culturally rich, colorful and vibrant. If you ever get a chance to talk to me, please do not engage in a conversation about the following:

• Bollywood, is not a city or town, or village. If you travel to India, please do not expect to see people dancing in color coordinated clothes and with every dance move in-sync with the exception of a couple who is allowed to wear their own clothes. Please do not start a conversation with "I loved 'whats the actor's name'....in whatever movie". Do you start a conversation with every Chinese person that begins with "I loved Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon" ?

• I am not a PC Technician. I may be able to solve some of your problems but this, in no way means that you store my number as IT Helpdesk and feel free to contact me in the middle of the night, just because you can't right-click an icon on your desktop

• "I love Indian Food" or "I love Dal, and Butter Naan and Butter Chicken". Let me tell you that these three standard things that you order at restaurants do not cover Indian Cuisine. Secondly, I do not greet every Mexican with "I love Tacos e Burritos".

• When waiting for a cab, do not look at me and think I will come out with a secret sign that will stop cabs just because half the cab drivers of the world are Indian

• Don't tell me about your neighbour/friend Sanjeev to check if I know him. We are a billion and counting...one tends to loose track

• Everybody is an Aunty or an Uncle in India. Deal with it. I did not come up with that, so don't ask me why we do it

• Just because I am not a doctor or an engineer, does not mean I got a crap education

• Indians speak many langauges, but not 'Indian' so please do not request me to 'Say something in Indian'

I hope your newly acquired knowledge about world culture helps make this world a better place...hey, we all gotta do our part, You're welcome.